Trespasser Killed: Police question use of deadly force
Questions are being raised by the recent killing of an alleged trespasser by a suspicious neighbor of a local homeowner.
Smedley Burnside claims that the intruder jumped a fence and approached his next door neighbor’s home, prompting fears that he might have a bomb and necessitating his summary execution.
“Seriously,” he explained, “what else could I do? Bob next door has pissed off a lot of people. I figured someone was finally out to get him. What if he was home, or his wife or kids? A vest bomb could have taken them all out.”
According to a family spokesman, Bob Niedermeyer was at work as usual at the time, while his children were at school. Mrs. Niedermeyer was located at a nearby grocery store
Police have identified the unarmed intruder as a UPS driver attempting to deliver a signature-required package.
Oh. Wait. That’s not right. It was the White House, where the Imperial Family wasn’t present, and effing morons like Ronald Kessler, CBS plastichead Major Garret, and hyper-paranoiac Rep. Peter King only think the Secret Service should have killed a trespasser just on irrational suspicion, something that would be illegal for you or me.
I can hardly wait for the first case of a private citizen invoking this example to justify offing an inconvenient trespasser. Sort of like Joe Biden’s reckless and illegal shotgun defense advice.
Funny how the rules change when it’s the ruler’s castle at imaginary risk.