Since at least 2001, I’ve noted that terrorists don’t have to actually attack anything to accomplish their goals of inflicting… terror. Simply announcing a patently ridiculous plot,one never intended for reality, does the trick. Nonexploding tennis shoes and self-incendiary panties are redundant.

But even that was too much unnecessary work. Why even pretend to be planning an attack, much less gather bits of unobtainium for nonfunctional ordnance ordnance? All you have to do is make a YouTube video and say, “Hey, guys; if anyone’s in the area, give a little thought to attacking the Mall of America to cripple Minnesota and bring America to its knees.”

And the panty-pissing Americns will oblige by panicking. The Mall is on “high alert.” Why, I’ll bet they even posted extra no-gun/terrorist-repellent signs.

Yep, that’ll do it.


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