CC of third-time complaint to Kings Bay Sub Base:
Press Release: At 0853 EST, 10FEB2017, a coalition of radical rodents —
Islamic Squirrels Infiltration League, Possum Liberation Army, and
Al-Qaeda Armadillos — attempted to breach the perimeter of the Kings
Bay Submarine base. Sleepy security forces rebuffed the attack with the use of the Advanced Technology Sonic Weapons System. No human casualties were reported, despite local residents for miles around claiming hearing loss.
The ATSWS is a BAE-designed less-lethal perimeter defense and area
denial tool, which also serves as a alertness and readiness booster for
weary security guards. By properly setting the ATSWS output levels to a pain-inducing threshold, guards can be kept awake all night without the use of expensive secondary systems such as loud radios or coffee.
BAE and the Kings Bay Sub Base Public Affairs Office assure the public
that blaring announcements at all hours, audible for well over a mile
from the base fence line, and inside closed structures, is a figment of
their imagination. Lt(jg) Brownnose added that whiners, “just don’t
understand the muslim mammaloid threat to national security.”
Five days. You kept the volume down for FIVE. FREAKING. DAYS. And then right back up again.
Seriously; I would like a rational explanation for why your “This is a
restricted area…” announcements have to be loud enough to be heard
inside a closed house more than a mile away. If it is that loud here, I
pity the folks in homes closer to the base, who have likely suffered
permanent hearing loss by now.
Carl “Bear” Bussjaeger
Author: Net Assets, Bargaining Position, The Anarchy Belt, and more
Rep. Buddy Carter
Sen. Johnny Isakson
Sen. David Perdue