Contract of Carriage

So a bunch of airline executives got grilled by a Congressional committee over their treatment of passengers. One congresscritter asked them all if they would commit to boiling down passenger rights — a layman’s explanation of the 50-odd page “Contract of Carriage” — to a simple one page handout.

The closest thing to committal was one guy who said that would be good. Another simpy said that would be very difficult to accomplish.

Not so much. I can do it.

1. Airline Rights
National laws and international treaties grant us the right to deny you service for any reason.

2. Airline Responsibilities
Once the flight has begun, we are obligated to deliver you to a destination. Should you be killed, we do not have to make fair restitution. Should we lose your baggage, we don’t not have to pay you full replacement value for your property.

3. Passenger Rights
You have the right to give us money and hope we will deliver the service for which you paid. You have no other rights other than those specifically and explicitly granted under applicable local laws.

4. Passenger Responsibilities
You are obligated to do whatever we demand without complaint. Complaints are disruptive (see paragraph 1).

Fuck you very much.

The Management

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