[UPDATE] I can’t tell if this is master-level trolling…

UPDATE: See below.

…or if KCPD is run by, and staffed with Traumatic Brain Injury victims. I’m assuming it’s the police department, and not freelance private security that’s going to cordon off public roads and forcibly search people. Correct me if I’m wrong.

Long list of items banned from Westport on weekend nights puzzles some visitors
Increased violence in the historic Westport neighborhood has led to increased security for visitors, and the list of banned items on weekend nights has raised a few eyebrows.

The changes include metal detectors, security checkpoints and a long list of prohibited items you can no longer bring to Westport on Friday and Saturday nights between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m.

Here’s the 19 friggin’ page list.

It’s truly bizarre. No aerosol bug spray, but defensive pepper spray is fine. Knives with single blades under 3 inches are acceptable, but little box cutters are not.

No snowshoes.

No on candy. Yes on gum.

No CO2 cartridges. Unless they’re “personal medical oxygen cylinders.” -blink-

Pro-tip: If you’re using CO2 for your medical oxygen, you’re already dead.

And this…

Tools longer than 7 inches (measured from end to end when assembled) are prohibited in carry-on baggage; these items must be packed in your checked bags.

They’re providing baggage handling services?

The article says the “list of banned items comes from the Department of Homeland Security.” Apparently the ever-competent TSA, whose knwledge of Constitutional issues is legendary. Which explains this:

Only handheld digital cameras will be allowed through the screening entrance. Any camera that is considered “professional” grade, such as TV or movie production cameras or cameras with attached “zoom” lenses over 10” long, will not be allowed through the screening entrance.

I think they may run into some First Amendment issues there. But what the hell; they’re banning firearms from an entire neighborhood. Not an enclosed mall, not a specific cordoned off event: so the Second is trash.

Not to mention the Fourth Amendment thingy about warrantless searches.

A neighborhood. Public roads.

But darned if I can see how they’ll enforce all this… since they’ve banned their own freaking metal detectors.

ETA: Hat tip to David Codrea.

UPDATE: It’s real, and this is how they rationalize it. They “privatized” the sidewalks. Private property means they can makes their own rules, like a mall. It is private security.

Color me dubious of the legality of privatizing sidwalks in the right-of-way. I expect this is going to cost KC and the Westport group quite a bit in legal expenses

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