Counting the votes of those too stupid to figure when, where, or how

Stacey Abrams is trying to hand the car keys of democracy to crazed children.

The previous regular election cycle was 2016, which for the innumerate was two years ago.

Since that time, would-be voters in Georgia had almost the same two years to register; the deadline was 30 days before the election. You don’t even need photo ID; your social security number and any one of several other forms of “ID” including a utility bill.

Would-be voters had two years in which to go to the state’s voter registration page and make sure their registration is up to date, and fix it if wrong. So if someone registered at the last minute, they still had a month to make sure it was correct.

Would-be voters will need a photo ID to cast a vote, but if you don’t have one, the state will give you a free one just for the purpose.

If you wanted an absentee ballot, you could request one as early as 180 days prior to election day.

You could even avail yourself of early voting in person for three weeks before election day.

If somehow you could not or would not use those weeks to find time to vote, you still had twelve hours on election day.

If you weren’t sure where you should vote — what county, for instance — refer to your voter registration card. If you notice that it lists a location in a county in which you used to reside, you should have made use of the previous two years to correct that.

Not even counting mail-in ballots, would-be voters had three weeks to find a few minutes to vote. No one, who wasn’t in a coma or otherwise equivalently impaired, has any excuse to complain that lines were too long on election “day.”

But fear not. If you spent two years screwing up or doing nothing (including failing to educate yourself on candidates and issues), you still had a chance.

You could ask for a provisional ballot, explaining that you moved and were too too stupid, lazy, or uninterested in the electoral process to bother acting. Fill out the ballot and turn it in.

That’s a provisional ballot. It’s provisional because you still had to correct whatever flaw prevented you from casting a regular ballot for all those weeks.

And you had another three days after the election to do that.

One might wonder why an electorally engaged voter might fail to show up to “cure” their provisional ballot. Laziness or indifference? Stupidity?

Personally, I’d prefer such lazy/indifferent/fucking stupid people not be voting, attempting to direct our government with all the knowledge and wisdom of a preschooler.

Or maybe they know they cast an illegal ballot and don’t care to present themself for arrest for voting fraud.

No problemo. Stacey Abrams, who famously claimed her blue wave voters include such illegal voters, is there to help, by filing a lawsuit demanding your unlawful ballot — in someone else’s election — be counted without any risk of arrest for you.

The federal judge in the case may realize the crack he’s in. As yet, she has not ordered the counting of those illegal ballots; only that they be reviewed. While there may well be some that were improperly rejected, I have no doubt those will be insufficient to force a run-off under the law. And even then, you have to wonder why, if incorrectly rejected, the voter didn’t show up to “cure” the provisional ballot, which in itself is lawful grounds for rejection. (Correction: this ruling was in a Common Cause Georgia suit, not Abrams’ suit.)

One thought on “Counting the votes of those too stupid to figure when, where, or how

  1. Linda Duncan November 15, 2018 / 1:52 am

    I saw a news article about an 84 (pretty sure) year old woman, pretty much on death’s doorstep, who voted for the first time in her life in this election. She had to sit in the car while a poll worker brought her a paper ballot and she filled it out. She was so proud of her “I voted” sticker. A few days later she passed away, but her son revealed she voted straight-ticket Republican. Shameful that anyone would fail to properly vote after knowing about that.


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