Humor Noir

There goes their carbon footprint

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Massive Power Outage In San Francisco Follows PG&E Substation Fire
“Insulation is still smoldering,” said a San Francisco Fire Department spokesman of the substation fire. “We are trying to cool it, but we need to bring in our CO2 unit to assist us. We have been using dry chemicals to put out the flames, but it’s still hot and keeps reigniting.”

But… but… This is green California. Shouldn’t they file environmental impact statements with the CARB and EPA before releasing that poisonous, Gaia-cooking, nasty CO2?

I’m sure they might get approval in a few months, if the greenweenies don’t file too many lawsuits blocking the release.

Whatzit Womyn

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Nicki tears “feminists” a new [gender-neutral, biologically nonspecific orifice]. This time, she was…. ahem, triggered by morons… triggered by the fact that the latest Wonder Woman is attractive and shaves her arm pits.

I know! Let’s do a Kickstarter project to fund a version of Wonder Woman in which the heroine is a hairy lesbian from a culture that predates soap. This version of WW will disdain cis-male constructs like binary evil/good. Ze will only dispense justice as decided by consensus. Ze will actually be forced into such a role because zirs culture is 100% vegan, resulting in neural under-development in all the offspring. (A prequel can explain how these hirsute cavewomyn even have offspring.)

Hmm… and since we want to avoid stereotypes of beauty imposed by outdated notions like “health,” “child-bearing capacity,” or just plain evil cis-male lust, we absolutely must cast exactly the right person in the role of Whatzit Womyn.

Trigglypuff.

I admit, this will raise the funding requirements substantially, to purchase enough food to maintain that bulk. On the other hand, this greatly expands the possibilities for fat-shaming supervillains.

Then we start a betting pool on how long it takes to get sufficient donations for more than a 50 page flipbook animation.

Juxtapositioning matters

Bear1 Comment

It’s the New York Post, so it may have been deliberate.

Suicide wave grips Columbia
“You don’t know how badly I want to jump out that window right now,” Wallace, who would be Columbia’s October suicide, said in a Facetime call from his John Jay Hall dorm room to his mother in Missouri — days before quitting school, moving back home and hanging himself in his basement.

“The only time Taylor did anything, he always did it well,” his mother, Angie, told The Post

I don’t know for sure about “well” but it was certainly effective.

Sitting on the sidelines, watching the show

Bear1 Comment

I didn’t vote for Clinton, Trump, Johnson or any of the other excuses for… well, there’s no excuse for ’em. But I went with the Extinction Level Event. Possibly my candidate is winning, albeit a little after the fact.

Residents of the Lefty disreality bubble UC Berkeley are smashing and burning their own “safe space” to protest…

A gay foreign transvestite.

Alleged comedienne Silverman (decorative, but has she ever been humorous in public?) and a former Obama staffer are calling for a thoroughly unconstitutional military coup to oust the duly elected President.

Delaware prison inmates (probably repeat Chicago voters) are rioting and killing to protest Trump.

The lefty world is going insane over an immigration executive order that may actually be the first outright legal and constitutional thing an American President has done in years.*

North Dakota Sioux, protesting the as-yet nonexistent extension to the extensive oil pipeline system, are trying to evict their co-protestors from their reservation. So far unsuccessfully.

Yeah. Those pipeline protestors. The consciencous environmentalists.

More popcorn!

* I admit it; given what I expected of Trump, “legal and constitutional” surprised the hell out of me.