Duke Nukem’s Campaign: Theories

I’ve gone through a few theories about Eric “Douche Nukem” Swalwell’s presidential campaign. We’re talking about a guy who “jokingly” threatened to use nukes on anyone who resisted his unconstitutional plans before he even declared.

Every election cycle sees no-chance-in-hell candidates. Some do it for the visibility for other political plans. So kinda hope they have a chance, then drop out when they never get out of the single digits in polls.

Others are in it strictly for the campaign donations. This was my original theory about Nukie. Run a campaign. Get national donations from folks who don’t yet realize what a nutcase he is. Pack up, go home. Spend that campaign money on his next congressional election.

How effective that was we won’t know until the next financial reports get filed. But his plaintive pleas for “just a dollar, guys,” so he could get 65,000 unique donors to be sure he qualified for the debate, suggest that his fundraising sucks. Apparently he didn’t have enough donors to qualify that way.

His tweets are… well…

I think the greatest threat to the Second Amendment is doing nothing.


If Eric can clean S#*% up at home, he can clean it up in Washington…

Even his supporters find those repeated diaper videos to be cringe-worthy

In fact, his supporters (oddly, he does have a few) on Twitter are starting to tell him to give it up, shut up, and go home. The nicer ones tell him — as if he were reading replies — that this isn’t his time yet.

He barely qualified for the debates on polling, and that was based on two early polls before many Dems realized what a dick he is, and one poll that had even pundits scratching their heads. Other than that, he hasn’t gotten above 0% since; not even “< 1%”.

Polling sucks, fundraising sucks, supporters are dumping him, and he’s embarrassing his congressional district. If fundraising is as bad as hinted, he’s losing support of his own constituents; maybe to the point of facing a House primary challenger. But he’s still hanging in there. Why?

My current theory is that some other Dem candidate or candidates are keeping him in the race as their designated stalking horse. He’s no electoral threat to them, but they can use him to float things like his National Framework to End Gun Violence, and see hwo strongly people react to each element. That way, they know what’s relatively safe to push for, and what to drop like a hot potato. This theory also explains how a guy with less of a chance than Vermin Supreme keeps getting on national TV, and getting near-daily interviews; the Dem-leaning-to-the-point-of-falling-over media is in on it.

When the financials hit, the clues to look for are some max-allowed donations from backroom Dem deal-makers and their proxies. A bunch of them. Enough to make Swalwell’s campaign train wreck worth it.

That would be the — literal — pay-off for suffering through the freak show.

Of course, if the pay-offs aren’t there, we’ll know that Swalwell is merely an idiot. (Which is my current competing theory.)

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